We’ve been in Meltdown City here for the past two days, although it seems like two years. Screaming, out of control temper tantrums over food, shoes, whether his bunny costume looks like Arthur from The Tick, you name it, we’ve melted down over it.
As I type, he’s screaming in the bathroom at Kevin, presumably about correct tooth-brushing technique.
His friends have meltdowns- I’ve witnessed them, but they don’t seem as intense or frequent as ours. Certainly, this is subjective, but I think it’s accurate. I’ve even begun to suspect that we don’t get invited to certain playdates because we’ve inspired a little fear in other parents.
So I spend my time in between meltdowns trying to cast blame. Several people have suggested to me that it’s dietary- that if we remove all dairy and gluten products from our diet, we’ll have fewer tantrums. We already cut out cow milk, we don’t eat meat for ethical reasons, cut out wheat products and I’m not sure what would be left to eat!
Then there’s the positive discipline angle. Is it possible that we haven’t taught our son adequate self-discipline? I suppose if we hit him everytime he screamed, he’d stop screaming. He wouldn’t learn what we hope to teach him though, to think critically, to speak assertively, to trust, to love, to honor his own feelings. He is learning these things, there’s just a whole lot of screaming during the lessons.
Moving down my list- perhaps, if his entry into this world had been natural, faster and with more oxygen available to him? If the house were cleaner, less chaotic, would his behavior would be more orderly? If he’d never heard me yell at our dogs, would he use a quiet voice? Has early exposure to superheroes and plastic toys encouraged a violent streak? Is it just the stress of being four years old? Will it pass when he turns five?
Don’t know. Not sure I want to know.
What I do know is he’s bright, loving, curious, and has excellent comic timing. He also has BIG FEELINGS. Somehow, my job is to help him find ways to live with his big feelings in a way that maintains his connection to the people around him.
Overwhelmed much?
