Bad Mommy, Frozen Watermelon and Privacy

Carter wants his watermelon back in the freezer. Kevin wants to tell me about his project. I want to get through these tasks without injury. Seems easy, doesn’t it?

Me: (Open freezer. Stick out arm to catch bottle of frozen cranberry juice falling on my head.) I’ll get it Carter, just give me a minute.

Carter: (Standing directly underfoot) I want my watermelon in the freezer, please Mom.

Archie: (from a distance) Wa Wa,… wa wa wa Mommy, wa wa wa MOMMMMY wa wa wa

Me: Archie, I can’t hear you. What? (Stick out hand to grab falling tater tots)

Archie: Mommmy Wa wa Pooping.

Me: (to Kevin) Archie’s pooping. Can you help him? (Kevin heads to bathroom)

Me: This would be easier if we didn’t have so much crap in the freezer. (Balances frozen pizza on top of sideways frozen pesto, dropping watermelon)

Carter: (in anguish) MY WATERMELON!!

Archie: Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Mommmmmmyyyyy Wa wa wa. Poop.

Kevin: He says he’s pooping.

Me: (still wrestling with frozen foods)

Archie: Wa Wa Poop Wa wa wa Mommmmyyyy

Me: Could you go check again? (Kevin disappears to bathroom- I finally complete my freezer smack-down).

Archie: Wa Wa Wa MOMMMMYYYY wa wa poop.

Kevin: (returning from investigating Archie’s indecipherable noises) He says he wants more privacy.

To clarify: Archie was yelling, calling to us to tell us he needs more privacy. If only that worked for me.