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Chapter Sixteen: Kaptain Kronk

“Yes, the Mayfly is a spaceship, yes you are going to be kept in a prison cell, no you aren’t going to have your own personal buffet table,” and on and on. When he finally stopped rattling off the things he assumed I would ask, he started to talk about all the “inside facts” that you probably didn’t know about the famous Kaptain Kronk. For example, “I used to live in a fish bowl. Before that I was the captain of a submarine. Even before that, I was an egg. I bet you didn’t know that, did you?”

I swished around inside my glass tube, my eyes darting back and forth from Dave and a hulking shadow steadily approaching me. A creature emerged from the darkness. The humongous creature looked like a deformed octopus with three eyes and more tentacles than I could count. Its mottled raspberry skin was not only the color of raspberries, but the texture too. In fact, incredibly, in some spots its skin was actually bubbling and fizzing.

It whipped a warty mottled tentacle at me. Its beak snapped open and shut but I couldn’t hear what it was trying to tell me due to the soundproof glass. The octopus creature whipped a tentacle out into the darkness where it had emerged from. Five deformed mutant guards that looked like dogs standing on their hind legs only, you know, deformed, started to madly press buttons on a control pedestal next to my container. The tube began to rise until it had completely slid up through the ceiling into a humongous tank of water where it opened and I was set free out into the building/spaceship/whatever it might be.

I swam towards the “shore” and pulled myself up out of the tank and onto the metal floor. I attempted to stand up and make a break for it but before I could even start to run, I was hoisted up into the air by a metal claw. The metal claw deposited me onto a stainless steel chair, the armrest immediately shot out tiny grapnels that wrapped around me and restricted my movement and erased the possibility of leaving the, well, I’m not going to say the long thing about the spaceships and buildings, but I’m just going to call it spaceship since that’s what it was anyway even if I didn’t know at that point.

The octopus thing slithered into the room and immediately started talking before I had time to ask a question.

“Fligamerhc slke agododo” it was cut off by my shouting.

“HOLD ON” I said, as I strained to pull my arm up and change the dials on my translator headband. I eventually succeeded and the octopus creature continued to blabber.

“First of all, before you ask, I am Kaptain Kronk. Second of all, you are on board the Mayfly and thirdly you are actually going to be turned to a hideous mutant.”

“I actually wasn’t going to ask that,” I said. “Well, I would have asked what your name was, but I wasn’t going to ask if I was going to be turned into a hideous mutant.” But Kaptain Kronk wasn’t listening. He was too busy rattling off the other things he assumed I would ask.

“Yes, the Mayfly is a spaceship, yes you are going to be kept in a prison cell, no you aren’t going to have your own personal buffet table,” and on and on. When he finally stopped rattling off the things he assumed I would ask, he started to talk about all the “inside facts” that you probably didn’t know about the famous Kaptain Kronk. For example, “I used to live in a fish bowl. Before that I was the captain of a submarine. Even before that, I was an egg. I bet you didn’t know that, did you?”

I assume he continued to go on even after I had fallen asleep.