As I took a seat in the waiting room with lots of other creatures, I attempted to make conversation with one of them. It was around six feet tall and looked like a human except for the fact that it had three black beady eyes rather than the customary two for humans, and he was green. It had no hair of any kind, just snaky tendrils.
At first its comments were unintelligible, but with some twiddling of the knobs on my headband I could understand it. It revealed that it truly was an “it,” and not a “he” or “she” of any kind, due to heavy mutating from Kaptain Kronk. It also told me that its name was #476248. Technically speaking, its name used to be something else, but yet again, due to mutating it could no longer recall what its previous name was.
As I was listening to it speak, my eyes darted around the room. I noticed an immense creature sitting in the darkness in the far corner of the chamber.
“Who’s that?” I asked, pointing to the creature.
“That,” muttered #476248, “is the arm.”
“Why is he called the arm?” I questioned.
“Well you’ll be able to see once he comes snaking out if the darkness again.” Just as #476248 had predicted, the Arm came slithering out of the darkness. It looked like some sort of deformed version of Quasimodo, and Quasimodo is already deformed, so it’s like a deformed deformity. The Arm, like his name implied, had only one arm, and one of his legs was longer than the other. His hip bone was shifted sideways so it looked like he had a spike jutting out of the left side of his body. A shiver went up my spine. I tried to avoid eye contact with the Arm. I turned my attention back to #476248.
“How did the Arm get here?”
“I have no idea,” it replied. “I have a better idea of how I got here, and like I’ve already said, I’ve had a complete memory wipe of anything that happened before my mutations. But I can tell you about the mutation process, if that will satisfy you.
“Kaptain Kronk used to be head of mutation sciences for somebody called The Military Exus Leader of the Great and Mighty Deathbird.” I think that #476248 rolled its eyes at this point, but it was hard to tell because they were solid black. “Apparently they had some sort of fight and Kronk was forced to leave the ship. He constructed his own ship, the Mayfly, and has been building up creatures for his mutant army ever since. The mutation process is simple- I’m not really explaining how the machines work, I’m just explaining what they do. First, several different specimens are transformed into various combinations of sand, water and fire. Then, three specimens are mixed together in different formulas:
“sand, sand, sand,
“water, water, water,
“fire, fire, fire,
“sand, sand, fire
“sand water fire,
“water water fire, etc etc. until you’ve reached all possible combinations. Then, one of the various combinations is put into an incubator and sealed inside a synthetic egg and sent to another part of the incubator to be hatched. After the eggs hatch, the miniscule creatures are surgically refined and given extra limbs, artificial coloring and and unnecessary bone matter including spikes and extra long spines. Then, the creatures are put under special memory-loss hypnotism by Kaptain Kronk.
“I don’t know what happens after that, all I know is its a long, painful series of events that leads to super creatures.”
“Bzzzt Bzzzt!” #476248 turned its head. “It’s my turn, it said solemnly. “See you later, if I even get the chance.” With that, it walked out of the room and our conversation came to an abrupt end.