We get a lot of birthday invitations that read, “please, no gifts.” I understand that impulse. Filling the house with more plastic is not my idea of progress, and I hate the idea that someone would feel burdened upon being invited to one of our parties.
Prior to one of Carter’s preschool year parties I tried it- I sent out invites with a cute, “your presence is our present” message and promptly got a phone call from the mom of one of his best buddies at school.
Friend’s mom: Amy? Your invitation says no gifts.
Me: Yes.
Friend’s Mom: Are you serious?
Me: Um, well, yes. Well, blah blah plastic and the environment, blah blah budget and plenty-
Friend’s Mom: Hm. My son has already been talking about shopping for Carter and he’s very excited about it, so I’m sure you won’t begrudge him a chance to give a good gift, will you? I mean isn’t that part of the fun of birthdays?
I started paying attention to what Carter was learning and doing on gift-giving occasions. Even at a young age, he was a generous and thoughtful giver. When he scours catalogs, he isn’t only looking at things he enjoys- he lists which items would be perfect for which friends and why. We’ve never wandered Target aimlessly searching for a ticket into the party, we’ve headed out with a mission, Carter listing the qualities that would make the gift “perfect.”
Since that year, Carter has received homemade gifts, stories, pictures, action heroes and books for his birthdays- he enjoys all of them, but I think what he enjoys most is thinking about those people thinking about him. Giving a gift says, “hey- I thought of you when you weren’t here- you stay in my heart.”
As to the plastic accumulation, there are several alternatives. Coupons for special events, tickets to the movies, parts to a toy he already has like Legos or K-nex are all things that don’t contribute to further clutter in our home. Sharing a book you have already read and treasured or finding the perfect used toy is a way to reduce the impact on the environment. One of Archie’s favorite gifts is a robot made of cardboard boxes, aluminum cans and duct tape. It truly is the thought, and communicating it, that counts.
4 replies on “Gifts Accepted”
Great post Amy.
I’ve never put “no gifts” on the bottom of any of our bday invitations because, well, Kathrynn WANTS gifts! She doesn’t have a party to get gifts, but it’s a great bonus! 🙂
She loves opening cards and gifts, no matter what is inside. She loves the home made gifts, the recycled gifts/the used gifts, the gifts that speak to her passions of the moment, and gifts that may become passions of the future. :
I do cringe at excess and waste, and do prefer “used” gifts… but when she got a new webkinz at her bday party this year, i was happy to see her get something that she’d been asking for. 🙂
That robot has a permanent place of honor on the top of the bookshelf closest to the bed. We look at it every night.
I HATE it when I’m not allowed to bring a gift to a kid’s birthday party. Not only do I genuinely enjoy making something nice for the little people important to my daughters, but I think birthday parties are where the lessons about giving thoughtfully and receiving graciously really have time to sink in.
Whenever we’re allowed to bring a present to a kid’s birthday party, I make the kid something nice, and then the girl who’s invited has a choice. She can 1) buy the child a present with money she’s earned herself doing chores (usually a buck or two which I take her to Learning Treasures to spend); or 2) make the child a present (usually a book or very elaborate picture); or 3) give the child something of her own (usually a toy dinosaur or book).
So far that’s what works really well for us. In two years, who knows?
I “solved” that problem by stopping birthday parties when BR was about 6 yrs old. They don’t miss them at all (I think the parties were as stressful for them as they were for me). Prior to 2002, we only invited the 3 other families in our playgroup, so it was never a huge accumulation of plastic crap. And luckily, both my parents and dh’s parents believe in birthday money (which all go into the savings account).