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Mama Journal

Affairs of the Heart

We’ve been debating affairs. Some friends of ours are negotiating a marriage post adultery-accusation. Does having an affair mean the end of the relationship?

And I’m not sure why it bothers me so much that I think the answer is no, and Kevin thinks the answer is yes. It could be because I blame my parents equally for their divorce, despite an “affair,” (Not sure you can really call it that)

I don’t think it’s because divorce hurts children- it does, but I’m fairly certain crappy marriages hurt children as well.

It has little to do with practical concerns. It’s a romantic fantasy. I want a love that transcends human error- one that rises above human dumbass pigheaded mistakes. Not just mistakes, but human grievous horrible hurtful flailing. I want someone who loves me so much, none of that matters. I want someone willing to flail along with me, or at least extend me a hand and pull me out of the mud. Really, in my heart of hearts, I want someone willing to jump in head first, bear hug me and pull me out, because he thinks
I’m worth it, but I’d settle for him sitting patiently next to the mud puddle waiting with a towel to clean me off.

Is it too much to ask? Maybe. But I love my husband that much. Not to say I wouldn’t kick his ass if he flailed and hit me in the process, but I’d still be there with a towel.