I’m thinking about toasts.
I’ll be giving one at Aysin’s wedding in August- so I’ve been pondering that- and my dad gives toasts pretty much every time we eat. So there’s that.
I’ve also been listening to Bob Schneider. (www.bobschneidermusic.com) I’ve noticed Kevin leaving a song about having a long way to go on repeat- the one I’m repeating has a stanza like this:
“well there are good days, and they come and go, but they never seem to last. And the bad days, when they come around, they always kick the good days’ ass, right into the ground.”
It’s been feeling true. Two weeks ago I was moaning around about Kevin’s work going from a dedicated career and family company to degrading grind, and the uncertainty of the next couple of years- annoyed with Carter’s preschool and thinking if I’d kept him home I wouldn’t have to listen to “nanny nanny boo boo,” nor ever be called a stupid poopy head. Wondering if I had one of the children who become more aggressive as a result of preschool . . . .
The phone rang and it was my dad, completely choked up, telling me that an old family friend dropped dead on the tennis court.
All kinds of issues associated here, and I’m not going to go into them. Suffice it to say, I wondered if life was saying, “You thought that sucked? Let me show you suck.”
Now, this week, Kevin’s work status has gone considerably south. The more time he spends interacting with his workplace, the less he’s able to interact with our kids and have any patience or energy. The future is more confusing. How do we take care of our children, value our family and also nurture our own selves? Do we? Do we have to choose which to do?
So, it seems like the bad days are kicking the good days right into the ground. (Am I getting to the toast yet? I’m running on longer than my dad.)
I’m near tears, and Archie reaches up and pats my face, rewarding me with a huge smile. And Carter comes out from the bedroom and tells me he needs to give me and Archie a “double hug.”
I’m still near tears. The day still sucks. But here’s my toast:
Here’s to good days that fight back.