Say what you may about the great 1960s camp-fest that was the live-action Batman television show, but the movie version of the same features one of the greatest scenes in cinema history. While crunching numbers at home Monday, my boys paused their viewing of the movie to make sure I took a break to watch my favorite moment in cinema.
The Caped Crusader (Adam West) and his faithful sidekick (Burt Ward) are investigating a hideout on the seedy part of town—although, in Gotham, where is not seedy—near the docks. The Penguin has teamed up with the Joker, Catwoman and the Riddler to kidnap the U.N. Security council and hold them for ransom. Perhaps if this movie were remade by Sam Raimi with John Bolton signed on as a consultant, the villains might be threatening to give the U.N. power. Yes, there would be American flags in the final battle on the sub. I digress—our heroes are ready to storm the bad guy hideout to save poor Miss Kitka, who unknown to Batman is really Catwoman.
Batman: (from a skylight window) Ready with super blinding bat pellets— (noticing a large smoking black ball with a lit fuse) Away, Robin!
Robin: But… but—
Batman: Away!Robin climbs further up the roof to the bat-a-grappling hook to make an escape while Batman climbs in through the skylight to retrieve the bomb.
Robin: (turning back for his mentor) C’mon, Batman! … Batman!
Batman: (futilely searching) Miss Kitka … Miss—
Realizing there are probably only seconds left to save the day, our hero prudently gives up on the search for the seductive Russian reporter. He looks to climb back out the window but sees boardwalk patrons and a random marching band crowding his passing lanes. Realizing he’ll have to take the bomb somewhere else, he goes out the door to the seedy dive, Ye Olde Benbow Tavern.
Batman: (yelling from the stairs) Quick, everyone! Flee for your life! Into the street!
Most heed his warning. Two hefty women continue eating, oblivious.
For the next several minutes, Batman runs around the docks looking for a place to toss the simmering caricature of a bomb he holds in his hands. He dodges patrons (occasionally with a body-head fake usually reserved for linebackers), avoids two nuns, retreats from a mother pushing a carriage, skirts past fisherman at the wharf, and doubles back from the Sousa parade. He finds a seemingly clear spot at the edge of a nearby dock, only to see a man climbing up a later from water level just as he is about to throw the bomb. Still sparking and hissing, the bomb is carried back toward the boardwalk. Again, a few head bobs get him to the other side of the docks where he gets ready to chuck his load. Drat! Two lovers emerge from under the docks in a row boat. Batman frantically searches, running back the way he came. There are the same nuns, mother and marching band. Finally, Batman sees the clearing down yet another pier. He gets ready to throw the explosive into the water.
Baby ducks float bye. Then, the payoff:
Batman: (Clearly flustered) Some days, you just can’t rid of a bomb.
The boys and I burst into laughter. We watch the entire sequence again.