If the energy forces that rule the cosmos decided to give an award for Most Incompetent Tradesperson, I wouldn’t come in last. But I bet I would win Mr. Congeniality in that contest.
Amy ordered a mammoth-gargantuan cedar plaything from CedarWorks (tell ’em Amy sent you). It came early this week and has slowly made its way from the driveway into piles of pieces in the back yard. I wanted a chance to feel all manly and daddy-like, so I insisted with Amy that I be given some chance to beat my chest and make the fire. It took me an hour just to unpack the thing, and another hour to get the initial four walls of the first climbing structure loosely assembled. In my very first attempt, I inverted a beam and put the holes on the wrong side, so you know where this is going.
Tonight, our former neighbors/current friends/beloved caretakers came out to help me put the thing into a kid-friendly form. Without the power tools they used in the how-to-assemble-this DVD — which, btw, has killer special features; the director’s commentary is very insightful — it proved much more slow going. I started confidently by handing the upper generation dad figure the wrong sized screws, so the first 16 screws actually went in and out and in. Then, I managed to wrest one half of this tower on my toe, causing it to bleed. But the kicker was when it came to meeting my low-bar goal of getting the tower completed. I pulled out the four remaining metal dowels to connect the two big halves, only to notice for the first time that there were a couple 48″ poles in amongst the 46-1/4″ ones. So in the end, we should have had three of the shorter ones and one of the longer ones. Instead, I found two of each.
The missing 46-plus-incher was now improperly but permanently embedded in one side of the tower. After threatening to call cedarworks to complain about how they shorted me, I realized my mistake … this one not correctible. So the friends took one of the 48″ poles away to trim it down to it’s proper size. Of course, it’s 8:50p now, and the kids just got home from Amy’s band concert (she plays flute). Parker is coming back in a bit, but I think my building days are over.
However, I’m still in the running for Mr. Congeniality. I didn’t scream like a banchee when my toe started bleeding.