On Bloomington Transit yesterday, en route across town, the bus was crowded with IU students, probably headed home to the west side of town for lunch. In the back, I could hear some male voices talking about the previous night. The phrase that caught my attention first was, “So I said, let me know when you’re off your period, then” blah blah blah blah. What I thought was some inappropriate public disclosure about casual sex turned out to be guys talking about guys. The many references that followed used girl in a derogatory manner.
As Amy is quick to point out, this isn’t new or unusual behavior. What was different, though, is that — sitting some dozen rows further up the bus — I had a strong urge to go back and say:
- Excuse me, I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation from way up there. I’m going to assume that you haven’t really thought this all through yet and will realize, upon doing so, how cruel you are being through your choice of words. You are quick to call your friend a “girl,” implying that this is a bad thing. That your friend is weak, spineless, overly emotional, or whatever macho-deficient quality you find off-putting. To fully understand how awful that sounds to the majority of people, try substituing some other derrogatory words, like “fag” or “nigger.”
Perhaps you don’t realize that being called a girl might be construed a compliment. In case you aren’t aware of the contributions women have made, you might want to peruse Equity Online or Educating Jane for a small sampling.
My son isn’t on this bus today, but imagine if he were. Here’s a college guy, just a punk kid from my perspective but from his … potentially the coolest person in the world. Imagine how he might hear you dropping girl in a negative way and gather the context. He’ll go into his kindergarten class the next day and drop it the same way on the playground, when a friend gets upset about something. Next thing you know, you’ve ruined an entire generation by just being rude on a bus.
I’m going to assume the best: that you now realize your mistake. Your first test of this newfound wisdom, of course, is that you refrain from calling me a girl as I walk back up to my seat.
Then again, go ahead. Who wouldn’t want to be compared to Mother Jones, Dian Fossey, Mia Hamm, Sally Ride, Gloria Steinem, Barbara Lee. Amy Makice. I hope your friend finds out about your conversation on this bus. Mostly, I hope that he thanks you.
Of course, I’m not to that point yet. I can stew. I can blog. I have a hard time going out of my way, in the moment, to address the things that aren’t a helpful part of my world.