I have a new hero named Chad Blondeel.
I don’t know Chad personally and have to assume that the Michigan native would be at odds with me regarding Bobby Knight, auto regulation and social welfare. But Mr. Blondeel accomplished something a modern male can only describe as awe-inspiring.
He named his son, “ESPN.”
That’s right. The Entertainment Sports Programming Network. Cable TV. It shouldn’t diminish anything to admit that Chad and his wife compromised by adding an extra vowel. (Espen is apparently Danish for “God-Bear,” a fact now nationally known thanks to Chad’s industrious research into baby names.) The important thing is that on the 14th anniversary of the Chicago Bears’ lone Super Bowl victory, Chad and Alisha Blondeel named their newborn son after a cable sports channel.
Carter was named for our favorite modern politician and humanitarian, Jimmy Carter. His name had all but been engraved on his certificate-to-be for years prior to birth. On January 26, I was headed into the high-alert zone a week before our projected due date. Had I known that just one state up testosterone history was being made, I may have reconsidered our selection.
Amy and I are fortunate to have arrived upon a perfect name for our first child without much debate. Admittedly, it took some of the traditional excitement out of the process, but we tried to make up for it by procrastinating until the 25th hour of labor before discussing a middle name in earnest. We haven’t been quite so in tune for Child #2, set to arrive sometime prior to 2005.
Until Blondeel, I was limiting myself to honoring people. Today, baby name options have expanded considerably. For instance …
“Fox Makice” — Australian for “Loud.” Historically underachieving and misunderstood, but reliable and sporty. Stylish and curious about the unknown.
“Enbeeci Makice” — New English for “Good Cheers.” A Must-See baby guaranteed to have plenty of friends, none of which will be natural rivals Sibius and Abacy.
“W.B. Makice” — Transylvanian for “Buffy.” A little angel with a lot at stake. Felicitous nature and constantly on the move.
“C.C. Makice” — Canadian for “Saturday Night.” Good sense of humor. Indecisive about politics and repetitious, but routinely special.
“Hibbo Makice” — Southwestern roots meaning “No Freedom Without Cost.” Often original and moving, but consumes a little extra bread each month.
“Wiggun Makice” — Native American for “Little Cub.” Super outlook with wide-spread appeal.
“Tibbs Makice” — Georgian for “Ted.” Good at coloring black-and-white pictures. Very brave.
“Sin Makice” — Islamic translation is “Propaganda Tool.” Opinionated and always ready to comment. Attentive at story time.
It is unlikely my wife and I will be able to agree on a single television channel to laud with a child’s name. Especially since Blondeel already nabbed the best one. But I plan on keeping tabs on this visionary from Michigan. I’m not sure how he’ll top it if he has another boy, but if his first testosterone-induced brainstorm is any indication, I’m certain he’s got one name in mind if it’s a girl.
Spice.