Over the years, I have often surprised myself by how clear-headed I am during a crisis. I think it is because a crisis typically presents a clearly prioritized problem to solve. The antithesis of that, apparently, is watching Meg Ryan walk into the room.
That is what happened today, during an afternoon SociaLens meeting at the Scholar’s Inn Bakehouse. I recognized her immediately on the street outside, as she passed by the big glass windows, and was indescribably elated when the door swung open and she rounded the corner with John Mellencamp. In those few interim seconds, I managed to grab my iPhone and ready a camera. That is as far as my brain would take me.
What followed next was a series of catastrophic brain synapse misfirings that caused the following:
- I couldn’t stop staring.
- I forgot which button allowed me to capture a picture.
- I didn’t notice I was taking a video, but became convinced this needed to be a photo.
- I forgot how to toggle away from the video. Got great footage of my foot.
- I forgot how to operate the zoom.
- I became concerned that I was being too obvious about taking a photo and shifted into stealth mode, as I was clicking the picture.
- I wondered if they wanted me to take their picture. I say “they” because at this point my brain still registered that pop icon John Mellencamp was even in the room.
- I decided to play it cool.
- I still could not stop staring.
- I began replaying ten minutes of dialogue from Sleepless In Seattle in my head.
- I noticed we now had a third person at the table (my business meeting had begun). Meg Ryan had opened the door for him.
- I tweeted a message to share with the world, misspelling @scholarsInnBake in the process. I’m fortunate that was my only mistake, as things went fuzzy after I finished typing “Meg Ryan.”
- I wondered if that is really Meg Ryan.
- I stared at Meg Ryan.
- I considered getting up to look for a napkin, perhaps on the counter near where Meg Ryan is leaning.
- I wondered if she wanted anyone to approach.
- I decided not to approach.
- I wondered if she now thinks no one in Bloomington is friendly.
- I stared at Meg Ryan in a friendly manner.
- I remembered I am married. Name rhymes with something.
- I felt guilty, and then decided that if Christopher Walken or Antonio Banderas walked into Scholar’s Inn Bakehouse with John Mellencamp, this would be her blog post.
- I wondered how Antonio Banderas and John Mellencamp met.
- I stared at Meg Ryan in a friendly manner.
- I wished I had some device with a camera.
- I noticed other people were still sitting at my table.
- I pretended not to stare at Meg Ryan.
That trajectory deteriorated further, for what seemed like hours, until Meg and John gathered their food a few minutes later and calmly crossed College Ave. Brain functions are only now returning.
Throughout most of the encounter, I sensed Meg and John were staring at me. I was sure they were chuckling about how funny the 42-year-old schoolboy was, getting flustered in the presence of a movie star. Later, I realized there was a big television screen behind me, so it’s possible they were watching ESPN.
I’m sure I’ll do better next time around. The Patterson-Gimlin quality shot I have to commemorate the encounter would take several highly-trained forensic specialists a week to verify that it resembles Meg Ryan. I know better and consider it a sign from above that Indiana is destined to win tonight.