I began using Twitter back in early March 2007, just before the first big membership explosion at that year’s South By Southwest conference. As I approach the end of four years on the service, I find I have curated a “favorites” list of 1,159 tweets.
Many of these status updates had to do with interesting moments in Twitter, related to research in the service, but I also find my personal Twitter museum has collected a number of profound, hilarious, and striking status updates from others around the world. Here are fifty of my favorite Favorites …
this superbowl needs more vuvuzelas.—@djbender
Apparently there’s a sequel to Super Bowl 44 today – do I have to know anything about the other Super Bowls to prepare for today?—@trobinson79
After a brief flirtation, I’ve turned away from Quora. It’s too structured to be social and too closed for open talk. Also, it’s boring.—@shelisrael
I mean really, Mubarak should have done that speech while sitting in a swiveling chair and caressing a white cat. #Jan25 #Egypt—@KarlreMarks
The Spider-Man musical doesn’t need to close – it needs to be the next season of Survivor.—@moonandserpent
Assembly Hall just went from being the loudest place in America (after Hulls 3) to one of the most quiet (as Watford shoots free throws)—@IUSportcom
Now that the astrological birth signs have been recalculated, thousands of awful lower-back tattoos just become even more regrettable.—@justinkeller
My 5th grader has a paper due. It needs to be double spaced. She very carefully typed 2 spaces between each word.—@MacksMind
Glad they’re making Great Gatsby in 3-D. My favorite part of the book was when Gatsby threw knives at the reader’s face.—@BorowitzReport
I guess “A Christmas Carol” will forever be known as the episode where the shark jumped Doctor Who.—@lmcalpin
Google Wave Lesson: If a product is named as a Firefly reference, expect it to go the way of any Joss Whedon show.—@jeffcatania
If my quick glance at my twitter stream is correct, Brett Favre & Wikileaks are building a mosque in NYC.—@bmk
someone should submit The Economy to kickstarter.com—@jingman
Do all these muscles make me look fat?—@OldSpice
I’m glad I never have worry about forgetting whether or not Jesus saves. Thanks, bumper stickers and billboards.—@cmbeck_
The Emergency Alert System on the cable is preventing me from watching the local stations which will show me where the storm actually is.—@bubbas_brain
Discussing with my lawyer a new idea: adding “Agree to Disagree” option to my EULA dialog box, and let the user use the soft anyways.—@migueldeicaza
The cure for boredom is curiosity. The cure for curiosity is worksheets.—@alfiekohn
DON’T MAKE ME CRITIQUE YOUR COMPLICITY IN MALE PRIVILEGE. YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M CRITIQUING YOUR COMPLICITY IN MALE PRIVILEGE.—@feministhulk
If plastic bags live for thousands of years in a landfill, they’re like little time capsules. Why don’t we encode cool info on them?—@jingman
I saw a guy playing Solitaire on the iPhone. That is wrong in so many ways.—@SoundSystemSDC
Hotel internet is to internet as rice cakes are to oreos.—@clifflampe
Calling Butler “America’s Team” at this point is like commenting on a blog post with “First?!!!”—@tacojohn
My biggest fear of traveling back in time is that I’ll waste it explaining what it is that I do for a living.—@cmbeck_
incessant drumming. Me: Stop or I’ll have you committed. @cmakice: what’s that mean? Me: locked up in a room. @cmakice: Oh. With drums?—@amakice
One of the most painful things about being an academic is that no mater what you research, there’s always someone telling you how dumb it is—@whazlewo
wouldn’t it be great if we all pitched in to help people even when there wasn’t a disaster?—@aschweig
#Twible Ex 20: G’s Top 10. No gods, idols, blasphemy. Keep Sabbath holy & love Mom. Don’t kill, cheat, steal, lie, or look @ Xmas catalogs.—@janariess
Jim Zorn suspended practice, called investigators. Forensic experts determined white substance unknown to players was goal line.—@chucktodd
the Nobel Prize for Obama is really a Most Improved Player award for the USA.—@muchosalsa
Johnathan Frakes is directing. Yesterday, he called me Number One. My heart made a noise that sounded like awesome.—@NathanFillion
Why is the “default” image on most sites a male silhouette? I find it offensive when women are represented as a shadow of a man.—@zephoria
how many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? eh, it’s this really obscure number. you’ve probably never heard of it.—@treyp
When I take my pants off in public I’m being lewd. When I willingly do it in airport security i’m a patriot.—@cmbeck_
I always wondered how I could make “obituary” rhyme with “millionaire” and now I know. Thanks country radio!—@ryanvarick
My 6 year old son got a new watch. It’s 3:10 everybody.—@theaudioprof
@trotzke and I are now Bonsai buddies. Something he doesn’t know: I’m going to grow the hugest bonsai ever!!!—@BigDaveSmith
if nice guys finish last, then who would win a nice guy contest?—@StephenAtHome
wisdom of a 4 yr old: “the most important thing when deciding where to eat is if it has a gumball machine”—@mtwolf
Looking up the synonyms for unique.—@trotzke
@oprah ur caps r on, btw—@THE_REAL_SHAQ
Hey Twitter, you’ve been Punk’d. @aplusk is really a 14 year old kid who lives in Encino.—@SoundSystemSDC
@amakice I suggest the online moniker of Ma~—@benfulton
Hoosier Music Mt. Rushmore: Axl, Michael Jackson, Mellencamp, Wes Montgomery. Suck it, Hoagie Carmichael.—@SnailTrax
OH: Me: what are you doing? Archie: taking the onions out so I dont taste them. Me: they’re onion rings.—@amakice
OH: Nanna: “Is that his name? French Fry?” Archie: “Yes.” Nanna: “For Certain?” Archie: “No. French Fry.”—@amakice
Time to reset the Illinois governor sign once again to “This office has been criminal-free for 0 days”.—@dickc
I’m standing in the foot prints of giants.—@whazlewo
Charlton Heston is dead? Who is goign to take the gun out of his cold dead hands?—@zebtron
If you’re reading this now, I can only assume it’s because your family is boring the crap out of you.—@StephenAtHome