Baron Freeze was very confused. He had just had a dream in which he was on a world and reality quakes never stopped on that world, and so everyone on the sidewalk was walking and slithering and jumping and skitterring almost all at the same time, and he was just standing there in the middle of the road all confused and changing from a bug to a bigger bug to a bigger bug to a bigger bug to a little bug to a bigger bug to a bigger bug to a littler bug to a big bug again until finally he turned into a gummy bear and someone took a bite out of his arm and then he turned into plain old Baron Freeze for five minutes, then he turned into a coke can for five minutes, then he turned into a straw for ten minutes until he got so muddled up he woke up.
He scratched his head with two arms, leaving the other two down. Baron Freeze grabbed four of his best ray guns and went to the brotherhood of baron’s building to rename his membership from Baron Freeze to Baron four-armed Martian, but then he changed his mind and decided on Baron Blast and thought he’d try to live up to the name. He explained to the membership keeper that he’d been in a reality quake on a trip to dimension X and he needed to renew his membership.
Now Baron Blast, he went back to his laboratory and made a suit that would fit his new name. He took out what was a popular Martian suit at the time that Earth was in an era called by Earthians “the gay nineties” and modified it so it had four sleeves. He added LED lights spiraling around the upper two arms and LED lights in long strings going straight down the lower two arms. He added shin guards with pointy knee-cover things and wore tall yellow boots under the shin guards.
He made two straps with LED lights running around them and strapped them in an X formation on one leg and did the same thing with two other straps on his other leg. Back boosters were also popular in that time, and he added one. A back booster is a Martian rocket pack- Martians still used rocket packs at that time because they were one of the not as civilized civilizations that included Jovians and Earthlings. The back booster has wings that fold into a batwing kind of shape and by nudging your shoulders you can make them go into different positions to turn and loop in circles.
Baron Freeze took off the back booster and installed two raygun barrels and energizers to the wings. He also added booster rockets to the spines of the wings. He went outside and tested it out and it worked very well. He attached it to a small flying control belt so he could grab onto the little handles on his belt and control it that way which would be much easier than nudging his shoulders in weird positions.
He made two large blue straps and looped one end of each strap through his belt loops and pulled them up over his shoulders so they formed a blue X across his back and chest. He added grav-orbs. Grav-orbs are small glowing blue or white balls that float over the shoulders of a costume. Baron Freeze added six white grav-orbs to each of his shoulders and then flew off with a ray gun in each of his four pockets.
He still had some shoulder nudging involved, and he quickly nudged his shoulders up and down and his wings flapped back down towards his waist very quickly and got him going faster. He went back to the brotherhood of Baron’s building to show his costume in the annual redesigning show. Most of the Barons, and I say most of the Barons because Baron Freeze almost never did it, would come there every year with a new costume.
Baron Stupid was dressed up as a question mark and was also scratching his head because he didn’t know why he was doing this. Baron Small was dressed up as a mouse. Baron Sol was dressed up as a flaming fire scorpion, complete with a tail. Baron Air flew in on a rocket pack similar to Baron Freeze’s, but the wings were upside down to Baron Freeze’s and flapped like a birds rather than side to side like Baron Blasts did to speed him up.
Baron Warhead came out in a small tank. He leaped out wearing a mining helmet and carrying a giant ray machine gun strapped to his right arm and a finger blaster on each of the fingers on his left hand plus a wrist blaster on his left wrist. He was wearing a camoflage costume with a picture of a nuclear space warhead on it.
The Brotherhood of Barons has too many brothers for me to mention, and I can’t mention all of them so I’ll just skip ahead to Baron Blast’s turn. Baron Freeze’s new Baron Blast costume was admired by everyone and won first place, mostly because Baron BLast kept saying, “note the grav-orbs” and everyone was definitely loving it, especially because he would press a button and the grav-orbs would go up and down quickly and flash in all different colors before returning to white and their original position.
He demonstrated the power of his weapons as follows:
First, he pressed a button on his wrist and a gun popped out of the top of his sleeve on each arm. “Pfff Pfff PFff. Pfff.”
The guns released a bit of steam, making that “Pfff” noise coming out of his sleeve. THat was just for show. Then he took all four arms and aimed them up at the ceiling, jerked them back quickly and then threw them forward fast again and they blasted at the ceiling together in a diagonal way so they merged in a spiraling blast beam that incenerated the ceiling and caused three Barons that were upstairs to fall down on Baron Stupid.
Baron Stupid thought they were confetti and tossed them up in the air. One of the Barons, Baron Smart Alec (his name says it all) said, “no wonder he’s called Baron Stupid. He must be all skull and no brain at all.” Baron Stupid said, “Thank-you, I always knew I was smart” and took off trying to lick his nose.
Baron Blast demonstrated some other ones. He stomped on the floor and flew up into the air, then jerked his shoulders quickly and his blast guns did the same thing the wrist guns had done to the ceiling, to the wall. Everyone was amazed as he showed them all sorts of different weapons like miniature nuclear warheads and bitty cherry bombs that would explode the moment they were exposed to oxygen.
He went back home to his laboratory confidently and fell asleep fast, dreaming of what would happen tomorrow on Solariun’s most celebrated holiday.